Life, or something like it

I have 10 minutes. Make it count. 15 if I absolutely need it.

Being successful is like juggling five balls in the air at once. I’ve never managed to do that, either.

My lack of motivation is killing me. My lack of organization is killing me (q.v. generals). My lack of focus is killing me. My addictive personality is killing me. My insistence on suffering the wounds of the past is killing me. My lack of openness, to my own possibilities and to the wants and needs of others, is killing me.

I need to finish my dissertation.

I need to become a good polysomnography technician and an enthusiastic employee.

I need to become better organized, better focused, better motivated. I need to determine what it is I want, what it’s going to take to get it, and – and this is the important part – go about to actually getting around to, you know, doing it.

I need to repair a badly damaged relationship with an absolutely wonderful, beautiful woman whom I’m insisting on driving away by letting myself stay stuck in the tired insecurities, depression, and apathy of my previous life.

I need to get over my psychological hang-ups and my repressed close-mindedness that has tunneled me into a cave of immobility and fear. I need to remember what it is to LIVE, to enjoy and relish my life, my choices, my being, and to stride confidently into the future.

I need to take much better care of my health. I need to value who I am as a person, including my body, and take care of it appropriately. I need to care enough about who I am, and what I want, to care about being there to live it.

I need to get my career underway. I need to look for a better job, write my ideas, envision myself and embody myself the creative thinker-writer I know myself to be. I need to care enough (an important refrain) about loving the things that I love, that that love moves me to be.

I need to be concrete. Specific. These are the tasks I have set for myself. All of it falls under the scope of “determining what I want, how to get it, and then do it.” Organization is not the key but it is an important one. I must remember: remember myself, remember my goals, remember my path, remember to prepare.

And above all, remember others.